Football

I actually had a really nice weekend. On Saturday we watched the LSU game at my house. I cooked a roast (which turned out fabulous!) and had some friends over. I've never been one to cook, mostly because Shane loved to cook and was so good at it, however, I must have learned from watching because this roast would have made him proud.
Lucas, Kerry and I woke up early today to head to the Saints game. We met some friends there and had a really good time....and the Saints won, finally! We have season tickets this year, so I'm looking forward to going to more games.
It was one of the nicest weekends I've had in a long time. Definately missed Shane though.

Roller Coaster

I've been telling my family and friends lately that I feel like my life is a roller coaster. I have good days and bad days, and they are completely unpredictable. For those of you that know me, I hate unpredictable. I like to know what is going to happen and prepare myself. Boy has my life changed, and I have zero control of it.
Shane left me in good hands though. My circle of friends have been so wonderful. Everyone has been perfect. No one knows what I am going through and no one knows how I'm supposed to act or what I'm supposed to do next. I love my friends because they don't judge me. They understand that this is a unique situation and they let me deal with it the best way I can. They are supportive when I need support, they make me laugh when I need to laugh. Best of all, they aren't afraid to talk about Shane. I love hearing stories about him...particularly funny stories. I love to be reminded about what a great person he was. I'm tired of all the bad stuff and I much prefer to talk about the good stuff. Cancer was brutal and I don't want to remember that part of our lives. I know I can't forget it, but we had many more years that were perfect and cancer free.

So, what am I doing right now? First off, I quit my job. They needed me back and I just wasn't ready. I was getting burnt out on audiology anyway so it's probably a good thing. I have enough saved that I can take it easy for awhile. Besides going through Shane's passing, I am also mentally exhausted from battling cancer with him for the last 2 years. No one can understand that unless you've been through it yourself.
I'm also trying to decide where I want to live. This has been the toughest part. Right now, I'm staying in between my house and my parents, and that's getting old. I love my house in BR but it hasn't been easy staying there. Shane's absence is overwhelming in the house, but it is getting better. Plus, I love my house there. However, my friends there are limited. Most of our family and friends live around Lafayette so I've also been considering a move there. I'm trying not to make a decision until I'm 100% positive.
I also looking for jobs and thinking about possibly going back to school. My life has completely been erased and now it's time to start from scratch. I hate it, but I don't have a choice.

Brian reminded me of some words of advice Shane always gave his friends and I try to live by those words of advice. "The first step in getting your head out of your ass is getting your head out of your ass" So funny, yet so true.
I know Shane would want me to live. It's been almost 2 months and I'm at a point now where I want to get out of the house. The benefit concert was my first big public outing. I was really nervous about going as I'm prone to panic attacks lately, but I had the best time. This weekend I think I'll go to the Saints game. We have season tickets after all.

So is it getting better? Maybe. I'll think that it is, then something out of the blue sets me off. I was at home the other day cleaning up. I went through some of Shane's old clothes and was able to throw some stuff away. No problem. Went to clean out the pantry and I lost it. Funny that spaghetti noodles made me cry, but his clothes didn't. Again, that's the unpredictability I was talking about. It completely sucks.

On a happier note, I'll leave you with a picture of Maggie in her Halloween costume. And to all my friends who have been such a big help lately, I love you!!!

Very Important!

Shane was in the process of getting a stem cell transplant. We never did find out who his donor would have been but there is a chance his siblings would not have been. I met a man at MD Anderson who's wife had 10 siblings and none were a match for a transplant. When that happens, Dr's look to the national bone marrow registry.

I strongly encourage any of you who can to do this. I joined this week. They send you a kit in the mail, you swab the inside of your cheeks and mail it in. If someone later on needs you, you are called and fly out to the hospital where the person is and donate either stem cells or marrow. You can be sedated for this so it's a painless procedure. There is no reason any healthy individual should not do this. You can save someone's life!

To join, go here. Normally you have to pay to join (it was $50) but until Sept 22 it's free to join. Why not help someone out?

Dreams

Brian said when you dream about a lost loved one it's like a double edge sword. You get to be with that person again, but when you wake up, reality sets in hard. Boy is that the case. Last night I dreamt about Shane. I've only dreamt about him a few times. In 2 of those dreams he was actually there and in the others we were talking on the phone. Either way, when I wake up from these dreams, I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks.

When Rob lost his dog Max back in May, Shane had a dream about Max. Rob was jealous because he wanted to dream about Max and he hadn't. Shane told him that Max probably knew Rob couldn't handle it yet and that soon enough he would dream about him. Sure enough, Rob had a dream of Max running happily on a beach. I think that's probably why I've had so few dreams of Shane. Before all this, he was always part of my dreams. Maybe he knows how hard it is to dream about him now and maybe I'm not ready. The first dream I had of him was about a week after he died. I dreamt I was at my mom's house with Lucas and Kerry. Shane just showed up and walked right in. He looked like his old self, pre-cancer days. We were shocked and I remember Kerry kept trying to take his temperature to make sure he was ok. I took this dream to mean that he was ok, wherever he is now.

Success!

So the benefit concert on Saturday was a huge success. I know I had a great time and I think everyone else did too. I really needed that. The bands were great and I can't thank them enough for participating! I want to thank everyone involved because I really appreciated everything.

I want to post more pictures but of course, I forgot my camera. So if anyone has any, send them my way.

Take a moment and visit some of the bands that participated. Cracker Jackson, The Specklers, Evil Empire, The Blue Eclipse, Masondown & Coldshock. Go out and support them!

Jiu Jitsu in the Sky

One of Shane's favorite MMA athletes, Evan Tanner, passed away this week. I like to think that they met up and are practicting jiu jitsu now.

Surviving Gustav!

So I stayed in BR for the storm along with some friends. Storm started out as a dud but quickly became pretty intense.

Luckily my house fared very well compared to most of my neighborhood. I lost my fence and some shingles. Otherwise, things are fine. Still have some cleaning up to do...gonna do that tomorrow.

Thanks to some creative ingenuity, we were able

to save the 70gal salt water aquarium. After 12 hours without power, the fish were starting to struggle. We plugged up Jacob's tire air pump into my jeeps cigarette lighter, connected some medical tubing to that and ran it into the tank. Voila! Air for the fish! After 2 days Jacob bought a generator from some

guys on the side of the road and the tank was good to go. No casualties. Power came back on Thursday night. Now praying Ike doesn't come anywhere near here!

We basically just ate, drank beer, napped and played UNO by candlelight for those few days. So glad to have electricity again, as most of BR still does not.

These pictures are of some damage around my neighborhood and one of Chris and Jacob in the street during what

was probably a 80mph wind gust. haha

The rest of the pictures can be viewed here.